Telling someone who is already suffering the effects of depression to "Get a REAL life" is never going to work. What you don't realise is that depression is an isolating disease... getting out of bed in a morning is no big deal for you - for me, it takes a similar effort as running a marathon. Yes, I might be up, I might even be here, but I know that this isn't me.
Looking in the mirror, I have no idea who it is looking back at me. I need the familiar - familiar faces, familiar places... I know that it might not be healthy for me. The question is, Is it better to have those that you know around you at a time when you don't even know yourself?
I can have the freedom to come and go as and when I choose and not be here to enjoy it, or I can live the familiar certainty of the life that I've known for years and dig myself out of this hole.
"Relax and let me in" you say. The truth is that I can't. I know that if I truly let you in, you'll see the poison that I hide deep down inside - you won't like it because you can't deal with it... sooner or later, you'll tire of being my only light in the dark or you don't want to hold my hand when all I can think about is ending my life - yes, I know it's the tenth time this week - trust me, I've thought about it many more times than that, but I chose not to burden you with it.
Seek professional help you say - trust me, professional help only goes so far... ultimately, you are the one left alone trying to prevent the ship from sinking. It's okay that you might not know what to say to me. I understand that depression isn't easy for those who have no experience. Sometimes, it's okay not to have a magic wand to make everything better... sometimes, the best way that you can help is to sit me in your lap, wrap your arms around me and give me a (real or virtual) hug until I feel better. I need someone to love me in the way that I'm incapable of loving myself right now.
Sure, I might cry or feel unworthy, but that is the best way that you can help me as I walk through my Valley of The Shadow of Death.
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